Why You Should Not Join Celebrities Beef

We were ushered into the New Year with a fight or beef (Any one you chose to call it) between Olamide and Don Jazzy over Headies award won by Reekado Banks. Olamide felt Lil Kesh was rigged out.. It trended the whole Internet. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Baddo, WhatsApp and even offline. The whole Newspapers and news outlets carried it. The news has weight because of the nature of the two parties involved. Olamide was backed by the street while Don Jazzy was backed the elites. Fans of both joined fuss, throwing jibes at each other. For bloggers, its a money making venture. Traffic is what brings the revenue. Most persons joined the fight because they see them as idols. They failed to understand that celebrities are like politicians. They quarrel before you and settle out behind your back.

Some fans forget that some feud are scripted for the celebrities are to make more money. Also, some of the beef are used for publicity purposes. These guy know how to use our heads and get what they want. Olamide and Don Jazzy have settled it while a lot of persons still look around for paracetamol for a headache they didn’t have. So next you hear any Kcee quarrelling with DBanj or Timaya even Phyno, just save yourself the shame and mind the business you do.


How To Be A Nigerian Undercover Writer

You are a writer or an aspiring journalist. If you listen carefully, what about to tell you will blow you. Yes, your name will keep ringing a bell. The money will keep rolling in once you can keep up with the job. You must understand instead of you waiting for the royalties of a book you wrote, you can earn double of the royalties. While you keep it as your retirement savings.

There are many witches out there that will surely truncate your hustles. They are so bent in making sure nothing best comes out of your new found darling job. Don’t worry, the earlier the better. We will avoid them in every angle even if it entails visiting TB Joshua.

Nigeria faces hell of problems. You already know that. I’m not trying to tell you to buy one of the problems. It will consume you and none will recall even when you were born. These problems range from kidnapping, Boko Haram, Armed Robbery, MEND, OPC, MTN, Pipeline Vandalism, Religion, Human Trafficking, Corruption, Mama Peace (Please don’t ask me when this has come to be a problem) etc. These are few known problems of this country. Don’t waste your time trying to pokenose into any of these. Nigerians and the entire world won’t listen to you. As far as they know, these are bona fide citizens of the country.

Look at some areas which nobody has dared or those that tried ended up woefully. It’s not to your portion to fail. Don’t mind village witches, they are already failing. Now, you’ve known which area you will beam your searchlight on, cool. No, I didn’t advice you to embark on a journey. It is too dangerous. We are in a computer age. You shouldn’t risk your life because Nigerians are so quick to forget heros. Thank God for Google, Facebook, Twitter. Also, create a blog, yes you need where you ‘paste’ your research materials. Make your researches in these places and stay off the public for three months. No friend or close relative of yours should know of your aspirations. They might be advocates of witches. Your dreams will be killed before arrival.

You should come up with a nicest story ever written. Don’t paint it with too many lies. You have to spice it up with things even those that didn’t read, but were told about your ordeal will feel for you. Pa Ikhide and co will nail it dead though none of them writes or will they make to embark on the journey which you staked your life on. Haters will hate. Just move on with your life. Write on how you were fed with rotten food filled with maggots. You were beaten with iron rods (You can pierce some parts of your body. Fame is hard to come by). Give your audience some relief, tell of how you wanted to fall in love with one of the tormentors. Your rescue shouldn’t be in Nigeria. It should somewhere in Somali. Yes, you ought to bring a white person in the picture, an international media guru. You know, you are writing so you don’t go and contact a wrong ‘white’ person. Now, your story is ready. Serve it while it’s hot while your haters will have no other option than to go and hug transformer. Give it time and your awards will start rolling in.

Not My Fault

Dear brethren,
I must write to tell you how am doing. It has been long since I left to this my unknown journey. You must have missed me a lot, but I miss you all more. I still recall the lovely days we share together, laughing, eating, and playing together. Everything was just normal not until the sickness came calling. My very being changed, I could not help it as I always walk on the streets talking to myself or run when no one had the thought of chasing me.
What changed me was what I cannot tell as you dreaded me like a contagious disease. Nobody wants to help or make me come back to my normal senses rather you all conspired to have me chained because you claimed am becoming a great nuisance in the society. For days, you left me hungry and thirsty under the mercies of blood sucking mosquitoes. I urinated and do the backyard business on my clothes. Come rain, come shine I was there hoping that one day I will be free and much better than I use to be. None of you remembered the good old days that I throw naira notes around and you will joyfully drench me with praises.
The hope turned sour as you all conspired again, you went, and brought the psycharitic officials to do God knows what to me. However, I gave them the best beating of their lives as I fought like a wounded lion. I broke the chains with my bare hands while the tree that had been my companion was too sorry as I uprooted it. Talk about possession, I was more than possessed. Seven different spirits waiting to unleash their anger because they hate to be chained. I was a monster because I could no see any of you as a human. I chopped ears, nose, fingers just name it. Mazi okeke must still be in great pain, my teeth and fingers never pitied him. My destruction was huge as everywhere seemed like a war ground. Battered and looted. Loses were much. Cries at every corner. It was a run for safety, staying back means you don’t love yourself. Nothing could stop me not even the police that was invited, but took to their heels as they shot at me, without the bullets doing anything to me. It was as if I was being watered.
I wasn’t the one doing those things, it was the spirits. They are unhappy. They want the streets. To see the outside world and feel its breeze. I couldn’t resist due their total hold on me. Am told what to be done and where to go. Sometimes it just seems fun all the way, while other times I was too violent. Not my fault that is madness spirits.
Right now, I don’t even know where am going. They are the one leading the way. I pray and believe that one day they will lead me back into your arms. Until then, I remain your brother and friend Nonso.

2015 Prophecy.

Call this a prediction or prophecy, it’s none of my headaches. I’m concerned of happenings come 2015. Just listen, 2015 might be your year after all.

Harmattan will continue its thing and Vaseline will sell faster.

APC and PDP will begin their campaigns.

Elections will hold in Nigeria and a candidate will win. (Please, don’t ask who, I only saw. Not authorised to talk)

Pastors will collect offerings and tithes.

Some Nollywood stars will get married while those who are chronic bachelors and spinsters have to meet me for a private prayers.

Rain will fall in 2015

Many babies will be born in 2015

People will buy new cars.

Boko Haram will be a thing of the past.

US and North Korea will continue to hack each others computer.

Rita Dominic should visit my headquarters for better counselling.

NEPA/PHCN will continue their thing while many ‘I pass my neighbour’ generators will sell more.

MTN will continue to send their unsolicited text messages.

Girls who left their boyfriends due to Christmas will return begging.

More people will join Facebook and Twitter.

Arsenal will add a trophy to their kitchen (For your mind, top 4)?

Many cows will used for suya.

There will decamping or crosscarpet into various parties.

People must Change church