Disclaimer: if you try out this and it worked for you, don’t refer my blog as where you read it please. Should Buhari starts looking for you, I will definitely support him with candles and torchlight eventually PHCN/NEPA does usual norm. I’m just doing my ministry.
Somebody somewhere made this infamous statement, “Stealing is not corruption” (Don’t come for my head biko nu). You see why you really need to up your game? I’m telling if you can follow the what am to tell you, smiling to the bank is out of question because you will always laugh when you visit your ATM. In Nigeria, several persons have stolen and got away with it. Yes, they walk the streets and villages with armed escorts and charms underneath their armpits.
First, you should have in mind how much you intend to steal. If you dare a mistake to steal money that can’t even buy catapult or manage an Abuja Olosho, the witches in your village will be the ones that will lynch you. Steal billions of Dollars not Naira. If you find a way steal Nigeria’s budget. The whole world will be so afraid of you. Now, you have stolen. Begin the next phase of sharing or appeasing the Nigerian gods. I’m not talking about the gods that you buy fowl and kolanuts. I am talking about the ones that know how to kill a person politically. So, you sharing the “bounty” doesn’t make you stupid rather it gives you a voice. You can start naming names once EFCC and DSS crosses your path.
Immediately, EFCC and DSS approach you in the name of arrest or investigation, develop an ailment. Cancer is mostly the significant one. Just be different, you can mention stroke or tumor. Don’t dare mention Ebola or HIV because Nigerians won’t take you serious. Make sure you have photos snapped from different angles when a doctor is treating or you are pushed into a theatre. Children of hate can decide to spoil your show with a Photoshop. I know you have powerful media moguls that can help in circulating the pictures around the Internet. If you don’t have, empoly the services of e-rats and warriors. One plate of rice and 1GB data will do. They don’t cost much.
You should have your people “Solidly” behind you. You will need persons that will protest for maltreatment of their son of the soil. Once you are in prison, starve yourself and threaten never to return anything. In all this, make sure you see yourself coming out so soon because the Buhari I see now, can decide to build more prisons.